I'm especially wondering about the final stanza. Should I change that one up?
Mission Machismo Worldwide
One smirk and strut across the hall,
And spoken smut by the faceless crowds,
Leads a malleable boy to fall
And chokes his senses with lasting shrouds.
His mind's a dungeon where thoughts are thrust.
When he reaches out, they reach in.
And bang his brains against the rust,
Until he he shuts his mouth from chagrin.
Washed like the rest to be %26quot;a man%26quot;,
Fooled like the rest that weakness should hide.
Fight the ones whose thoughts make a stand
Against the countless, thoughtless, good side.
The pliant boy marches, stolidly,
On Mission Machismo Worldwide,
Where everyone lines up, childishly,
And goes on %26quot;effeminate%26quot; genocide.Brand new poem I wrote. How is it? Suggestions?
The best part is:
I'm especially wondering about the final stanza. Should I change that one up?
Mission Machismo Worldwide
One smirk and strut across the hall,
And spoken smut by the faceless crowds,
Leads a malleable boy to fall
And chokes his senses with lasting shrouds.
His mind's a dungeon where thoughts are thrust.
When he reaches out, they reach in.
And bang his brains against the rust,
Until he he shuts his mouth from chagrin.
Washed like the rest to be %26quot;a man%26quot;,
Fooled like the rest that weakness should hide.
Fight the ones whose thoughts make a stand
Against the countless, thoughtless, good side.
The pliant boy marches, stolidly,
On Mission Machismo Worldwide,
Where everyone lines up, childishly,
And goes on %26quot;effeminate%26quot; genocide.
LOL it's all goodBrand new poem I wrote. How is it? Suggestions?
That's really good. I love it! And I think the last stanza is fine how it is, it's pretty powerful, and I like that.
Well done :)
Ha, I wouldn't have the guts to show everyone my poems lol.Brand new poem I wrote. How is it? Suggestions?
I like ittt, goodjobbbbbb!
